I feel great
I just peed on a car
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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