I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
