dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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