I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
