She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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