You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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