There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
