She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
