I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
