The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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