Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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