if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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