Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
