I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
