Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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