I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
