My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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