Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
