They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I believe in your delicious
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
