my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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