Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
