Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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