I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
