You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
