I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
