I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
