I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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