I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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