somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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