but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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