She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize