By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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