i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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