im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
