I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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