the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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