it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
