Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
