I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
