he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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