my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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