The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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