If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
