Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
