dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
