I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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