I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
