I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
