I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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