I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
