Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
