GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
