her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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