I want to make a zoo with you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
