Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
babies were throwing up all over the place
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
