i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
