is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
