I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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