the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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