It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
