So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
