so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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