i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
