Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
