Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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