I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
