nut hugger
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
4 words: hood of his car
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
