I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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