summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
