I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
