it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
