She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
