they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
