He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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