the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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