Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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