I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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